The rise of the Commuter Marriage

PSFK pointed to an interesting article on the rise of the 'commuter marriage' in Forbes which states that in the most recent U.S. Census there were 3.8 million Americans in commuter marriages, a 30% increase over the previous six years.

Demographers define commuter marriages as couples who spend at least three nights apart each week for a minimum of three months.

Commuter marriages are interesting because they represent the extreme form of the modern work life balance dilemma that many families face as a function of the trends towards more women in the workplace and more dual-income familes. Whilst families in this situation are not representative of the experience of the majority, they are nonetheless illustrative of the problems that modern families face in getting time to really connect with each other.

The perception that technology can reduce the emotional separation of distance may be another  driver of the trend towards commuter marriages. However, as one of the inventors interviewed for the Forbes piece admits: "Technology is already bringing people closer together but we haven't figured out how to design these experiences so that they're something meaningful, with an intimate effect. That's where the next era of innovation will be."

And as Gregory Guldner, director of the Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships, says "While innovations like e-mail, video chatting, instant messaging, Twitter and Second Life have increased the volume of Internet chatter, they haven’t necessarily made long-distance relationships any more successful. Communication’s quality has always meant more than its frequency. Information technology has definitely led people to believe that long-distance relationships will work more than in the past. Whether that’s true is the big question we’re dealing with right now.”

A 2006 article in CNN Money called "Two Cities, Two Careers, Too Much?" also discusses the issues faced by families suffering from similar stresses. They quote a therapist who recommends that families who spend a lot of time apart have "a formal sit-down no less than once a month to discuss short- and long-term goals" because given their situation "it won't happen spontaneously."

This subject has been under discussion by sociologists since the late 1970's. For a full list of academic references go here.